Growing Up
- John Scoble
- Feb 2, 2022
- 8 min read
Updated: Sep 26
Robert van Mourik & John Scoble
Wilber (Robert’s notes from Conspire 2017)
“Religion is the only discipline where grown human beings will adopt an infantile, magic or mythic belief and believe it as adults; they don’t keep going forward. The modern [rationality] and post-modern [pluralistic] understanding of spirituality is infinitely more complex and satisfying and at this moment, with other things that we know, it’s a real spirituality. It does something that science can’t do, that medicine can’t do. It is our direct access to ultimate truth. It’s the intelligence that gives you ultimate truth. Is that important or not?“
Introduction
To summarise, we have previously examined Wilber’s model of personal development that can be initially categorised as Waking Up, Cleaning Up, Growing Up and Showing Up.
Waking up refers to a realisation that the way in which we have viewed our world has been an illusion, that reality is something different and we want to understand what that is. Yet it is still only a starting point to a process that requires reflection and personal growth.
Cleaning up is necessary when we realise that our previous unconscious behaviour is not in accord with our new vision for ourselves. The psychologist, Carl Jung, identified this process as addressing our “shadow self”.
Growing up is the process of development of personal maturity as described by a number of different behavioural models.
Showing Up represents the fourth pathway that requires bringing our heart and mind into how we live our lives, to how we address the actual suffering and problems of the world.
Growing Up Models
We remind you that neither John nor I are psychologists, even though we have a reasonable grasp of layman psychology through our work and life experience. There are a large number of behavioural models that have been developed during the 20th and 21st centuries to try to explain human behaviour and human development. These are complex and are the subject of degree level study.
However, Wilber (and others) have summarised these stages into four levels:
Egocentric – at this stage, a person will view all events and interactions from the perspective of the self. They will ask: how does this affect me; what is in it for me? Typically, this covers the early years of life. The perspective is one of self and others – a dualistic construct.
Ethnocentric – as a person matures, they begin to see the world from the perspective of their tribe as defined by them. Examples would be family, school, sporting team, church group. It can extend to gender, sexual orientation, state and country. This stage is still dualistic and always involves an “in group” and one or more “out groups”.
World centric. Further maturity will see a person understand that all persons in the world have equal value, irrespective of race, religion or nationality. The tribe has become everyone living on the planet. However, there is still an in group and an out group. The in group is the human race. The out group are all other sentient beings and the environment, over whom the human race has dominance and can exercise control.
Cosmo centric. At this level of maturity, a person recognises the connectedness between people, animals, plants and the earth. They have developed a unity of consciousness which unites heaven and earth, flesh and spirit and have integrated all the previous levels into a perspective of non-dual consciousness. The encyclical “Laudato Si” by Pope Francis aptly demonstrates a cosmo centric worldview.
According to Wilber, we look at the world from the level we are at. As we develop our view of the world, the manner of our relationships with other people changes. Wilber suggests 60% of the world’s population exists in the first two levels.
Growth in our personal development does not necessarily occur uniformly across these different streams of waking up, cleaning up or growing up; growth across these different streams can be staggered. Our ability to mature also can be constrained by limited development in other areas. Wilber discusses this impact in comparing waking up and growing up in the video below at “Additional Preparation”. He particularly identifies the risks when we place reliance on gurus who are spiritually aware but have not grown up.
It is worth noting that some commentators have attempted to apply these stages of development to organisations. Without going into detail about this, one such commentator suggests that the Catholic Church has not progressed beyond the ethnocentric stage. In the past, the church has openly supported slavery, colonialism and sexism. Even today, church authorities ostracise or discriminate against certain groups such as the LGBT+ community, priests who have resigned their ministry and the divorced or remarried.
The insights we gain must be integrated and consolidated in our new, emerging worldview. As our worldview changes, we undergo a process of continuing integration and transcendence towards new levels of understanding. These new concepts are illustrated in the lyrics of the song One.
Some Relevant Quotes
Richard Rohr, “Conspire 2017”:
“Just because you overcome the separate self doesn’t mean you haven’t overcome the shadow self. There is a difference between waking up & growing up.”
Later in the Q&A, Rohr quotes Wilber:
“Why do some people change and keep growing?” Wilber’s response: “It comes down to their learned capacity to suffer; people who can endure ambiguity, paradox, mystery keep growing.”
Maxime Lagacé:
"You can’t be mature if you don’t know yourself. Experiences, failures, and reflection will bring you what you need."
Hermann Hesse, “Gertrude”:
"Youth ends when egotism does."
Mark Z. Danielewski:
"Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of not knowing.”
Laura Linney:
“It is always good to explore the stuff you don’t agree with, to try and understand a different lifestyle or foreign worldview. I like to be challenged in that way and always end up learning something I didn’t know.”
Alex Steffen:
“In tough times, some of us see protecting the climate as a luxury, but that’s an outdated 20th century worldview from a time when we thought industrialisation was the end goal, waste was growth, and wealth meant a thick haze.”
Mira Nair:
“I am actually a resident of three worlds – of America, of India, and of Africa. I live in Uganda most of the year. It’s extraordinary to have that worldview that is an expansive one rather than just looking at the world from where you sit.”
Diarmuid O’Murchu:
“In the Christian context, we frequently hear allusions to a personal relationship with God or with Jesus, with scant attention to the projections being acted out, and the often subtle and subconscious desire to control and manage God in our Lives. Not much room for coming-of-age in this codependent relationship.”
Additional Preparation
We recommend the following for your consideration prior to our meeting:
2. In this video https://batgap.com/ken-wilber/ Wilber discusses the relative impacts that can occur with waking up and growing up at 1 hr 1 minute for 16-17 minutes.
Questions for reflection & discussion:
1. How would you describe your current worldview?
2. Which of the relevant quotes above resonate with you? Has any one quote or idea particularly influenced you to change your worldview?
3. How has growing up influenced your self-identity and how you identify with “God”?
4. Finally, do you see any connection between Wilber’s remarks at Conspire 2017 (at the head of these notes) and the last quote from O’Murchu?
Discover the full Streams of Development series:
FAQs for “Growing Up”
What does “growing up” mean in spiritual development?
Growing up refers to maturing not just in age but in worldview, moral depth, relational capacity, and spiritual integration. In the article you describe “growing up” as the stage where we move beyond infantile or tribal perspectives and begin to see with more maturity. It follows the sequence of waking up, cleaning up, growing up, and showing up.
How do the four levels of maturity (egocentric, ethnocentric, worldcentric, cosmo centric) work?
The article explains that at egocentric level we see everything from “what’s in it for me.” As growth unfolds, the ethnocentric stage appears where loyalty to tribe or group shapes our identity. The worldcentric stage recognizes the equal worth of all people across race, religion, and nation. Finally, cosmo centric reaches beyond humanity to perceive connection with animals, the planet, and the wider cosmos. Each stage builds on the one before it, carrying forward what was learned.
Why is “growing up” important before “showing up”?
Inner maturity needs to come before outward engagement. If we have not grown up and are still seeing through the lens of ego or narrow tribal identity, then attempts to serve, advocate, or lead may reinforce old wounds and blind spots. The article makes clear that showing up requires the wide vision and balanced capacity built during the growing up stage.
What obstacles can prevent spiritual and psychological growth?
Growth can stall when comfort, identity, or control feel under threat. Unresolved hurts and fears create resistance. The article also warns that someone can have a profound awakening experience and still remain stuck in relational or moral immaturity. Dependence on external authority without inner clarity is another obstacle. As Ken Wilber notes, those who can embrace ambiguity, paradox, and mystery are the ones who keep growing.
How can someone actively cultivate growing up in their spiritual life?
Growth comes through integration. It may mean reflecting on the lens you use to interpret life, facing your shadows through journaling or therapy, and practicing empathy beyond the borders of your own tribe. It also comes by engaging ideas that challenge you and listening to voices that differ from your own. In the article, you encourage reflection with questions such as “Which quote has influenced your worldview?” which serve as doorways to deeper growth.
At St Lucia Spirituality we believe the journey is richer when it’s shared. If you’re seeking a place to explore questions, practice mindfulness, or simply belong to an inclusive spiritual community, we invite you to join us. From online discussion groups and meditation gatherings to our growing library of resources, there’s space here for every seeker. Step into the conversation, connect with others, and discover how community can nurture your spiritual growth.
About the Author - John Scoble
John's journey began in the heart of a traditional Roman Catholic family in Sydney, where he was raised with steadfast faith and reverence. Now residing in the serene surroundings of St Lucia, Brisbane, alongside his beloved wife, John finds solace and inspiration in the tranquil rhythms of life. With four adult children and a cherished grandchild also calling Brisbane home, John's family is his anchor, providing love, support, and a sense of belonging.
While spirituality has always been a cornerstone of his life, it was three transformative events in 2012, including a sacred pilgrimage to the Holy Lands, that ignited a profound shift in John's spiritual trajectory. Embracing retirement as an opportunity for deeper exploration, John immersed himself in extensive reading and soulful reflection.
Over the course of a decade, this journey of self-discovery has led John to reevaluate and transcend many of his traditional beliefs, embracing instead the timeless wisdom and cosmic perspective inherent in Christianity. Influenced by luminaries such as St. Francis of Assisi, St. Teresa of Avila, and Richard Rohr, John's spiritual evolution has been marked by a deepening resonance with the essential truths of his faith and a profound connection to the divine unfolding within and around him.
About the Author - Robert Van Mourik
Robert, a co-founder and guiding presence within St Lucia Spirituality, brings a wealth of insight and dedication to our community. While his roots lie in the Catholic tradition, Robert's spiritual journey has been one of profound inquiry and introspection, spanning many decades in search of what he terms "a coherent worldview."
Drawing inspiration from luminaries such as Anthony de Mello, Richard Rohr, Diarmuid O’Murchu, and Ilia Delio, Robert's quest for spiritual truth has been shaped by the wisdom gleaned from countless authors and mentors. Their insights have served as guiding beacons, illuminating the path towards deeper understanding and connection.
It was in the shared bond of seeking spiritual growth that Robert first crossed paths with John, their encounters over coffee in 2012 marking the genesis of a transformative journey. These intimate gatherings, fuelled by conversations on influential books and the evolving landscape of their perspectives, soon blossomed into vibrant small groups and virtual meetings on platforms like Zoom.
Through newsletters, discussion papers, and a shared commitment to fostering meaningful dialogue, Robert has played an instrumental role in nurturing the thriving community of seekers within St Lucia Spirituality. His dedication to facilitating growth, exploration, and connection reflects the essence of the community's ethos - a journey of discovery and transformation, embarked upon together.
February 2022
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