In the last few years my personal spiritual journey has become more important to me and I hope to live a life more richly, in a way more rewarding, fulfilling and in a meaningful manner.
Calming the soul
It was November when Richard Rohr, on his website, extended an invitation to look to the Psalms as a way of contemplative prayer, as one can take inspiration from these ancient words. He selected seven psalms that spoke to his present experience. It was his selection of Psalm 131 that spoke to me in my present life.
Song of Quiet Trust
O Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high,
I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother;
My soul is like a weaned child that is with me.
O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time on and forevermore.
Spiritual Alzheimer’s
Reading this psalm brought to mind a book, given to me some years ago, titled “Perspective: The Calm within the Storm” by Robert J Wicks, an American clinical psychologist[1]. I reread his third chapter, ‘Preventing Spiritual Alzheimer’s:
Understanding the Modern Psychology of Gratitude and Happiness’. These two aspects of life have been a struggle for me for almost four years since the death of my husband and, shortly after, my mother.
Wicks describes spiritual Alzheimer’s as the incremental loss of the ability to be grateful and joyful about the daily gifts of life. As written in the Psalm I have wanted to ‘calm and quieten my soul’. He cites two contemporaries, Robert Emmons and David Steindal-Rast.
Robert A Emmons, an eminent researcher on gratitude, in his book “Thanks” puts it this way. ‘The human mind contains mental tools that appear to work against the tendency to perceive grace. We are forgetful. We take things for granted.’
Brother David Steindal-Rast writes ‘Even the predictable turns to surprise the moment we stop taking it for granted…. Surprise is no more than a beginning of that fullness we call gratefulness.’ In surprise we can have a glimpse of the joy to which gratefulness opens the door.
Appreciating the “little things of life”
Wick continues with the idea that to be grateful, to live fully does involve challenges. Many people seek ‘more’ to be satisfied with their lives but he feels we need to appreciate who and what is already here in our lives. My struggle.
Wicks shares a number of personal anecdotes about the occasions when he was in danger of losing his appreciation of all the ‘little things’ in his life. He recalled that in his teen years he would help out on a farm where life was full of so much more than city life had to offer- hard physical work, watching a cow give birth, falling asleep under a tree, a simpler life yet fulfilling.
How often do you fall into the trap of our ever expanding ‘more’ that our consumer society convinces us that we need to be happy?
I am not sure, at this stage of my life, that the need for more is an issue, but being grateful and joyous in the little things of life does often escape me.
How do you deal with these aspects of gratefulness and joy in your life?
Psychiatrist Gerald May, in his book “The Dark Night of the Soul”, encourages us to recover our innocence to establish a new perspective and greater sensitivity so that profound peace, joy and fullness of love may be possible again and not continue to delude ourselves that we are already grateful.
Didn’t Jesus remind us to be like little children?
Wicks feels that the lack of true gratefulness is partly due to a failure to realise the reality of impermanence (that touched a chord with me) and the danger of living a habitual or anxiety-driven life. He gives the example of being in a restaurant and eyeing off other people’s meals rather than fully enjoying what you ordered!
Avoid prejudging
Another aspect of seeing life with eyes of gratitude, is seeing people and events with fewer preconceptions and expectations. Being open and not seeking to be judgmental can be elusive no matter how aware we try to be. Wicks believes that true sensitivity and real wisdom are at the core of a healthy perspective and this begins with minding our predictions and evaluations of others. Anthony De Mello shared this humorous tale.
“A woman suddenly stops a man walking down the street and says, “Henry, I am so happy to see you after all these years! My, how you’ve changed. I remember you as being tall, you seem so much shorter now. You used to have a pale complexion and it is really ruddy now. Good grief how you’ve changed in five years!”
Finally, the man gets a chance to interject. “But my name isn’t Henry!”
To which the persistent woman calmly responds, “Oh, so you’ve changed your name too!”
If we wish to be grateful people then we need to make the effort to enhance our perspective in a way that allows us to be open to what is already in our lives. To do this we must recognise that gratitude for what we have already is not just settling for life as it is, but being open to receiving or appreciating more who and what is in our lives. True gratitude is an essential cornerstone of happiness, an equally important subject worth understanding to gain and maintain a healthier perspective.
Wicks believes that those who wish to live truly aware lives need to take time out during the day to sit quietly i.e. meditate. He also suggests debriefing by sharing this process with someone who one trusts to accompany us on our psychological and spiritual journey. I feel that placing my spiritual trust in God and in Jesus and his teachings is a way forward. I think of the hymn by Frank Andersen:
‘I ask you my friends to be still and know that I am here with you.
The longing in your heart I will fill for I now make my home in you.’
In the latter part of Wick’s chapter, he outlines some helpful, practical suggestions to understand and enhance gratitude, as well as happiness and optimism. For example, he suggests activities that support a grateful attitude such as writing emails of appreciation, journaling grateful moments, appreciating the gifts of the moment and putting envy aside.
Do you seek to shed the chains of unfinished business that tie you to the past and can be habit forming? Do you focus on the gifts in your life now so the habit of looking back in sorrow, with anger or guilt, doesn’t deprive you of enjoying what you have been given?
Studies have shown that positive emotions such as joy and contentment broaden the creative flexible way we think, adapt and act, as well as helping us build resources for when life gets tough.
Try building your own ‘Gratefulness History’, write them down, savour your life past and present.
Questions for Reflection
How often do you fall into the trap of our ever expanding ‘more’ that our consumer society convinces us that we need to be happy?
How do you deal with these aspects of gratefulness and joy in your life?
Do you seek to shed the chains of unfinished business that tie you to the past and can be habit forming?
Do you focus on the gifts in your life now so the habit of looking back in sorrow, with anger or guilt, doesn’t deprive you of enjoying what you have been given?
[1] Robert J Wicks, Perspective the Calm within the Storm: Oxford University Press New York: 2014
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