The Point is to Grow
- CAC Meditations
- Nov 6, 2024
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 26
The point appears to be not just to stay the same your whole life but to grow, to really grow and open, grow in seeing, grow in awareness.
- Paula D’Arcy
Retreat leader Paula D’Arcy recounts how she was transformed by the deep grief of losing her husband and daughter to a drunk driver:
My call to this work came slowly because it didn’t come out of the light, it came out of an experience of darkness. During that period of time, I had an overwhelming sense that everything I had ever believed was too small—not necessarily wrong but needing to grow or expand. One of the things I confronted was my idea that the proof of a loving God was when things in your life were favorable. But in the face of my loss and all that had happened, something in me could not deny that God was nevertheless loving and with me. A considerable shift in my awareness was beginning to take place.
I also had a growing sense that the darkness I felt was not a darkness without hope. The dark was luminous. It wasn’t something I could name at the time, I simply felt it to be from a realm greater than my human experience, and that it wanted to help me if I would turn toward it.
I guess I would call it a force of love, and when I encountered it, my aliveness was heightened, right in the midst of the grief. All the things I used to worry about and focus on no longer mattered. As I focused on this love, my perspective grew. I understood for the first time that I wasn’t controlling anything. Life was happening on its own, and my eyes began to open to the whole world and all its suffering. I was hardly the first person to lose a husband or a child, but in my former comfortable life, before it happened to me, I hadn’t given this a lot of thought. But now that suffering was a lived experience, I realized there was so much I needed to change about how I understood life. I had to move beyond my old conclusions.
The way I prayed changed during this time. Prior to my loss, my prayers had been petitions for things I hoped to have or intercessions for others. Now my one prayer was, “Show me. Show me,” or, “Teach me how to see.” A guidance from within began transforming me through that prayer. I felt a sincere desire to help others realize what I had begun to realize—that in the times for which there are no easy answers and when your suffering is great, something from within is able to help you, and wants to help you. It called me forward, and once I gave it my full attention, even though my circumstances were unchanged, I was changing. As my heart continued to open, I saw everything through new eyes.
FAQs: The Point is to Grow
What does Paula D’Arcy mean when she says “everything I had ever believed was too small”?
She means that her previous understanding of God, faith, and life was limited by comfort, assumption, or lack of suffering. After losing her husband and daughter, she realised that her beliefs needed to stretch - not to be wrong, but to accommodate a deeper view. That “too small” sense often comes before growth; it is the soul’s nudge to expand awareness. (Source: The Point is to Grow, St Lucia Spirituality; adapted from Paula D’Arcy’s story in the CAC daily meditation)
How does deep grief become a catalyst for spiritual growth?
Grief strips away familiar markers of security and meaning. In the text, Paula describes how loss forced her to confront hardship, question old ideas, and wake up to a love she previously overlooked. Psychological studies show that many people who face significant loss report post-traumatic growth - increased compassion, new perspectives, and stronger relationships (Source: Journal of Loss and Trauma). Grief doesn’t guarantee growth, but it often opens the way.
What is spiritual trust, and how does it differ from simple faith?
Spiritual trust is not blind optimism, but a grounded conviction that one is loved and held even when life shakes belief. Paula’s prayer shifted from asking for things to saying “Show me” or “Teach me how to see.” That kind of trust leans into mystery and presence rather than certainty. Faith may believe doctrines; trust lives in the questions, in the darkness, in what is yet unseen.
How can suffering become luminous, as described in the reflection?
Paula says that darkness became luminous when it revealed something greater - presence, love, mystery - that she could feel even amid pain. It means not ignoring suffering, but holding it with openness until its lessons emerge. People who engage in contemplative practices tend to report higher resilience and sense of meaning after suffering (Source: Psychology of Religion and Spirituality research). When suffering is allowed to speak, spiritual growth often follows.
What practices help someone move toward growth in times of uncertainty or loss?
Some practices Paula describes include shifting prayer from “I want this” to “Show me”, opening the heart to what is rather than resisting it, and paying attention to inner nudges or new insight. Also helpful are reflective writing, spiritual companionship, meditation, or ritual to mark change. The practice of turning toward rather than turning away helps align actions with values, even when nothing has changed outwardly yet. (Source: The Point is to Grow; A St Lucia Spirituality perspective)
At St Lucia Spirituality we believe the journey is richer when it’s shared. If you’re seeking a place to explore questions, practice mindfulness, or simply belong to an inclusive spiritual community, we invite you to join us. From online discussion groups and meditation gatherings to our growing library of resources, there’s space here for every seeker. Step into the conversation, connect with others, and discover how community can nurture your spiritual growth.
Reference: Adapted from Mike Petrow, Paul Swanson, and Richard Rohr, “Stumbling over the Stumbling Stone with Paula D’Arcy,” Everything Belongs, season 1, ep. 5 (Albuquerque, NM: Center for Action and Contemplation, 2024), podcast. Available as MP3 audio download and PDF transcript.
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