Spiritual Development After Grief
- Kath Brownlow
- Jul 7
- 9 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
God has a plan for us. A plan for our birth, life and death. We are not born with the knowledge of how our life will flow.
If we are blessed and born into a Christian family, hopefully we will have been baptized. Folk from various other denominations, will, most likely, but not always, follow the path of their parents’ beliefs and traditions. One thing is certain, in God’s perfect time, we will all pass from this earthly home to Eternal Life. As for when and how, we cannot know. We committed Christians, live our lives with faith, hope, and our trust in God. Researchers are paying greater attention to the different ways people grieve according to their own social norms, culture and personal styles. [1]
There are many kinds of losses.
For this paper I am focussing on the loss of human life. And there are many different ways in which a loss can occur. Each person is unique and grieves their loss in a unique and different way. Why so? Because of our parenting, personal beliefs, the connection to the departed, their spirituality, their hopes and dreams, their faith, attitudes, place in society, physical and mental health, and personal values.
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF GRIEF
So, what is grief? Grief is a natural and normal reaction associated with loss of a person who was very crucial to our wellbeing. The suffering experienced is difficult, intensely personal and painful, especially in the beginning stages. Grief can sharpen one’s spiritual awareness and the time of grieving can last for months and/or years dependent on many factors, but mostly the depth of one’s connection to the deceased. The Seasons for Growth Adult Program says that “walking through Grief is like taking a trip through unknown territory.”
Robert Neimeyer et al (1988)[2] argue that all changes involve loss and all losses require grieving. Grieving is essential and requires validation of our loss. We need to be aware of the depth of the relationship of the person we are grieving. One learns to live for the moment. As mentioned previously we are speaking of the loss of a person, not the loss of say, income, or housing or mobility.
Grainger Westberg (2011) [3] states that the foremost reactions to grief are emotional, especially shock and denial. The expression of feelings is essential. Severe grief disturbs not only our thinking and feeling but our body rhythms are upset to some degree. We can be more susceptible to infection and disease. If we bottle things up, we can increase the stress on our bodies. Life becomes difficult. We can’t think clearly, we lose our appetites, every action is an effort. Will this nightmare end? We panic. We need the comfort of caring others who can be with us.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1969) [4] coined the stages of dying as Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Westberg (2011) expressed Anger as most important and recognised guilt as well. Resentment, envy, anger and rage need to be expressed. Our natural anger is often blocked because we have been taught to be considerate and reasonable. Who can be blamed for an accidental drowning? Feelings are real but irrational. The anger, the feeling of being abandoned by the person who died. When anger is out and done with, then we can be forgiving of ourselves and others.
OVERCOMING GRIEF
I have learnt from personal experience the need to take self-care. I was widowed with four children 5 years and under. Most importantly, it is essential to be honest with ourselves. To express our emotions with truthful and trustworthy friends and relatives.
In the beginning, it may be difficult to pray, but trust that God is with you. Even though you may not feel His Presence. God understands. He created us, He knows us. Others can pray and intercede with and for us. Ask for help if it is needed. We need to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves. Treat ourselves with kindness. Be gentle and compassionate towards ourselves. A loving God stays with us. We are never alone. Pray for your needs. God will answer.
As for goodness, I was blessed magnificently when a teacher shortage in my home State allowed me to undertake a comprehensive exam, which led me to being accepted as a candidate at a university. To teach had been a dream for me and it was literally given to me on a plate so as to speak. This was to me a miracle and I grew in spirituality as a result. I was challenged but God provided. When one of my lesson plans went astray, I was convinced that my teaching practice partner was responsible. With no proof to justify this incident, I just got on with replacing the work with no attacks on her wellbeing. This was spiritual enrichment. God worked with me and showed me a better way,
The situation in which you have found yourself has changed your life. Your loved one has deceased and your life will never be the same again. Whereas this is painful (and we have discussed painful emotions), life will never be quite the same again. This change, expected or otherwise, allows you to move in a new direction. So, even though life has changed dramatically, good things can eventuate. There is also the possibility to look for a group which consists of building friendships, therefore giving support and wisdom and love. Join a group which will offer tears and laughter.
It's okay to talk to the deceased.
Embrace gentleness. Don’t take on new responsibilities until your grief has subsided. You may need to forgive yourself and others. Accept help when offered and seek help if a problem is unresolved. Find new meaning and a sense of purpose in your life (as the pain of grief diminishes). Look for comforting activities.
As a praying person, your faith will continue to develop. Taking on new pathways takes resilience, strength and courage. You realise that the need to trust God in these endeavours, whether it be, travel, independence, time to take on personal interests and abilities, allows your faith to continue to develop. Widowhood, for some, also provides a new reality. The ability to control your life again. As you succeed in these areas of interest, it is possible to create new relationships, your trust in God continues to develop. You learn that we can trust God and we can share our spiritual life with other new friends. This of course builds up self-confidence and life takes on new pleasures and joys. [5]
A committed Christian lady chose to go to counselling as the losses she endured were horrendous. Her faith became her cornerstone; however, she needed to voice her thoughts and concerns to another believing Christian. She chose someone distant from her local living situation, feeling a sense of freedom. Even though her pain was deep, she grew in her understanding of who God was for her. There was no way that she would give up on God and she persevered in obedience to continue to live God’s ways, not hers. Not everyone feels comfortable in choosing counselling. Some feel disloyal in sharing their personal journeys, others find freedom.
SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT
How does Faith help with trauma? Grief encourages us to comfort others and with the grace of God we can comply. Joining a prayer group offers a different kind of support. God has a plan for you in the midst of intense grief and pain. Jeremiah says in 29:11-13 “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for foe! Plans to give you a future full of hope, when you call me, when you pray to me, I will listen you. When you look for me, you will find me”.
Spirituality can be helpful when a positive relationship to one’s own beliefs and practices buffer the effects of trauma and provide a source of comfort during times of distress.
Spiritual growth and development.
Trials and suffering can be seen as opportunities for spiritual growth and development. Beliefs may be challenged. Why did this happen to me? Why didn’t God intervene? By facing adversity individuals may learn to rely on God’s strength and develop compassion for others and become more resilient. Many wise spiritual sages, including Meister Eckhart, have urged followers to learn to “let go” of emotions in order to achieve emotional stability. The ultimate response to every problem is surrendering to the will of God who loves you deeply.
Redemption and Transformation.
Some believe that God can transform even the worst suffering into something good, bringing about redemption and healing. They point to the example of Jesus who entered into suffering and rose in the resurrection offering a path to hope and transformation. Indeed the Easter trilogy is the ultimate metaphor for changes in one’s life. Good Friday represents the death of the loved one. Easter Saturday represents the liminal space where one is grieving deeply and emotionality disoriented. Easter Sunday represents acceptance and the new beginnings in one’s life.
Some things are mystery.
Regaining faith after loss, Grief can shake you. It can become a spiritual crisis. Our pain is a point of entry to connection with God. Paying attention to our losses enlarges our souls when we pour them out before the Lord (Psalm 62:6-7) “My soul, be at rest in God alone, from whom comes my hope. God alone is my rock and my salvation, my secure height; I shall not fall “. What we have been taught over many years has been shaken. A person’s relationship with God changes after grief. How many times have we read “He works in mysterious ways.” In consultation with my parish priest, he suggested to me that for healing of my grief, to take one hour a day for two weeks to sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Adoration is still my favourite prayer. This is how my Carmelite friend led me to a new way of healing, a new way of being which still continues today.
If one is seeking external answers to the many questions you have bubbling inside of you, take time to be silent, allow yourself to reflect and listen to what your body is saying and you will find the answers. Just by listening. I have heard the term Silence is God’s language and in listening to your body in silence and patience, you will find the answers you want. We are here to support and help each other through our grief. No one should grieve alone. Be patient, be quiet. Love and help each other. “Be Still and know I am God” Psalm 46:10.
Questions for Discussion
What fears may you have after a substantial loss?
The Beatitudes say “Blest are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. “ What do you think about this statement?
What advice could you offer to a friend who is suffering from grief?
FAQs: Spiritual Development After Grief
How does grief impact spiritual growth?
Grief cracks us open in ways nothing else does. For many, loss raises questions about meaning, God, and what really matters. While painful, this wrestling often deepens spirituality. Research shows that 57% of people who experience bereavement report stronger spiritual or religious beliefs afterward (Journal of Health Psychology, 2017). It is not about “getting over it” but about discovering new depths of resilience and compassion in the middle of the ache. (Source: Journal of Health Psychology, 2017; A St Lucia Spirituality perspective)
Can spirituality really help with the grieving process?
Yes, and not in a fluffy “it will all be fine” way. Spiritual practices like prayer, mindfulness, or ritual create space to hold pain rather than run from it. Studies show mindfulness reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety by up to 20% in those processing grief (American Psychological Association, 2020). Spirituality gives language for sorrow, rituals for remembrance, and hope that grief can shape us rather than destroy us. (Source: APA, 2020; A St Lucia Spirituality perspective)
What practices support spiritual development after loss?
Start small. Light a candle daily, journal your memories, walk in nature, or join a community group where stories can be shared. Rituals and routines help anchor grief in something meaningful. Harvard research shows that people who engage in consistent spiritual practices report higher resilience and lower stress hormone levels by 20–30% (Harvard Medical School, 2019). These practices do not erase pain but help integrate it into a deeper spiritual journey. (Source: Harvard Medical School, 2019; A St Lucia Spirituality perspective)
How does community support affect spiritual healing after grief?
Isolation intensifies grief, while community softens it. Sharing experiences in a spiritual group offers validation, connection, and the reminder that you are not alone. One large study found that people involved in faith or community groups after bereavement had 36% lower risk of prolonged grief disorder (Journal of Affective Disorders, 2020). Grief shared is grief carried together - and community often becomes the sacred vessel that holds the broken pieces until strength slowly returns. (Source: Journal of Affective Disorders, 2020; A St Lucia Spirituality perspective)
Is there hope for growth on the other side of grief?
Absolutely. The idea of “post-traumatic growth” is well-documented. Around 60% of people who endure major loss report positive personal change, including greater appreciation for life and deeper relationships (American Psychological Association, 2019). Spiritually, grief often shifts us from shallow answers to authentic searching. The pain does not vanish, but it can carve new space for empathy, wisdom, and a faith that is tested yet more alive. (Source: APA, 2019; A St Lucia Spirituality perspective)
At St Lucia Spirituality we believe the journey is richer when it’s shared. If you’re seeking a place to explore questions, practice mindfulness, or simply belong to an inclusive spiritual community, we invite you to join us. From online discussion groups and meditation gatherings to our growing library of resources, there’s space here for every seeker. Step into the conversation, connect with others, and discover how community can nurture your spiritual growth.
Footnotes - Spiritual Development After Grief
[1] Parkes C.M. (1972) Bereavement: Studies of Grief in Adult Life. New York; International Universities Press.
[2] Neimeyer R.A. (1988) in Neimeyer, Wass HJ. et al: Dying: Facing the Facts. Washington DC; Hemisphere Publishing.
[3] Westberg G. (2011): Good Grief ; SPCK.
[4] Kubler-Ross Elizabeth: (1969) On Death and Dying; Macmillan, New York.
[5] Aitkin, Lewis R. (1991) Dying Death and Bereavement, 2nd Edition, Allyn and Bacon, Sydney.
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